Baby Blue

2003-11-22T10:18:00.000-06:00

So tonight is Mountain Top Ball. I have asked Trenton to be my date. He is in fact coming and will be here soon. A wave a emotions is coming over me now. First off--I have not seen this boy for like two and a half months, I'm extremely nervous about this because where will my feelings stand when I see him face to face again? So much time has passed between us, things have changed. Second, I'm nervous about taking him to the ball for obvious reasons. How will we be recieved? Will we be jeered at? I've never been in such a visible position as this--very very scared.

ON the other hand, lots of excitement, he'll be up here, and no matter what--I still care about him and he is a fantastic guy. It'll be nice to have a male date to go to dinner and a dance with--not usual for me here.

2003-11-16T15:00:00.000-06:00

Last night was fantastic. It was Stacey's Birthday celebrations. Stacey, Mitch, Molly, Ethan, and I went to Chattanooga for dinner. We ate at Thai Smile 3 and it was divine. I had carrot salad and Tofu Panang Curry. Totally delicious, I have missed that restaurant. Afterward, we went to a coffee house on Broad Street--I cannot recall the name however, but delicious coffee and a fabulous atmosphere. There was an amazingly attractive guy sitting up on a rise--that made the experience all the more fun. Then we journeyed over to Mama Charles' apartement and picked him and Brandon up to go to Images. The club was alot of fun for me last night. I love Moma to death. There was a couple of cute guys at the club and I almost talked to one whose name was James--however, nothing came of it. Last night was truely Stacey's night. Brooke(a.k.a. Hurley Gurl), made a move on Stacey. Stacey was totally into this girl from seeing her last weekend. They started conversing and stacey tells me that they are a perfect fit. I think Brooke is definatly a catch for stace from looks to persona to personality. So, I'm totally psyched for her, I think this will actually go somewhere for her.

2003-11-14T09:34:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was another day to Chatt. It was nice and relaxing. Essentially just a coffee house visit. Stacey had to devote time to comps, I feel so bad for her right now--I know those things suck. Tomorrow is Saturday, and I'll be going back to the club with everyone...and I'm very ready to get back--this week has been pretty uneventful--so it'll be nice to go...until further news.

2003-11-09T12:18:00.000-06:00

So, I have to say, I'm getting a little run-down with Sewanee. Things are becoming way too routine...I've been having the urge alot lately to get into the surrounding cities. Stacey and I spent the day in Chattanooga Friday which was extremely nice. I was telling her that Chatt is a pretty cool city, somewhere I could totally see myself living one day. Its pretty, it has character, its cute, accessible, has a nice-homey gay culture, a cute downtown...the list goes on. Having Chattanooga so close makes being up here at Sewanee, especially during the hard times...much much more enjoyable. I've begun to get down a little bit again about the lack of relationship availability for me up here. It gets old constantly telling yourself that someone is cute or developing a crush on someone, but not being able to go any further than that with it...REAL old.

2003-11-02T11:57:00.000-06:00

Halloween was the best.

Stacey and I decided to dress up in drag and be husband and wife. Stacey wore my black pants, a white oxford shirt, and my red tie. She slicked her hair back into a pony tail and smoked a cigar...she really looked like a boy. I wore Carmen's red strapless dress, heels from wally-world, fake nails, earrings, make-up...the whole bit. I really looked like a woman and stacey really looked like a man....just a total blast.

Chattanooga was a good time yesterday. Rosilyn, Stacey, and I went to Hamilton Place Mall. It was great being with them, they are such a good group to be with. Pacific Sunwear was some excitement for both Stacey and (Unexpectantly) me. She made some ground with this girl she likes that works there--and I made some ground with some cute boy from Sewanee. By that, I mean that he was there and decided to come chat with me--though I had never met him before. Very cool guy, I wonder if anything will come of this or not--we'll see.

2003-10-31T11:29:00.000-06:00

So, its been awhile since an entry.

In general, life has been fulfilling and good. The weather is getting cooler and the leaves are lush now. Being at Sewanee this time of year is wonderful. Wow, I really have nothing to say--I feel that I should wrap up my previous month, but that would be unending.

2003-09-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

I LOVE SEWANEE

2003-09-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

The class going to the club last night was alot of fun...A good group to go with. I had a blast having Britanny and Lauren there. The are some fun chicks. We danced pretty hard. Just a great trip--from start to finish.

2003-09-02T14:26:00.000-05:00

Got back at 1 in the morning last night from Tori. The concert was breathtaking. Just a mystical experience, seriously. She had a 2 hour and 45 minute set. I cried during "Crucify." That was probably the second best concert that I have attended. I was totally happy to have gone. It was fun to be in Atlanta for a show as well.

So I have a ton of work I have to get done, I also have a couple hours to make a decision on Cross-Country and I'm leaning towards a negative on that. We'll see.

2003-09-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

Well, the first post in a few days, but some good things to lay out.

First--I'm sooooooo happy to be back here at Sewanee with my crew. We had our first night at Connections and it was great--its like we picked up where we left off(with a few progressions of course). Our group has expanded to accompany a new Chris, a.k.a. Houston. He's a nice kid, and a pleasure to be with. Amy will probably now be in the fam as well. Tonight Stacey, Ethan, and I are going to Atlanta to see Tori Amos. I am so stoked--I've never seen her, but she is in my top 3 for favorite artists--I'm so figity.

Classes have begun, and they seem interesting and exciting--I finally feel like I have done away with all the bullshit classes and that now I am working towards what I want(Psychology). I don't exactly know the future plans, but who does. I do know the field of Social Psychology is very interesting.

Missing Trenton a lot. We had a real long convo last night about how we feel towards one another, and we are basically at the same understanding of our feelings. I miss him at all random points in my day, especially in the evenings. He's truly a special person--I'm very very lucky to have met him.

I had dinner with Bill and Marshall last night--they are doing well. We talked about all sorts of things last night, and dinner was quite tasty.

2003-08-28T15:47:00.000-05:00

So, I'm back here at Sewanee. My computer doesn't work anymore...so I'm thinking all of my business will be conducted right here in the ATC lab...FUN!! Actually, I don't mind not having computer access accept for the need and want to have IM back. Its a great way to communicate with others.

Anyhow...the semester looks great. I'm very excited about the course load that I have. Good professors and all. Now its time to get down to business I suppose. I'm very very happy to be back home here with all my friends. Hoping for the best!!

2003-08-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a good day.

Went to Target Super-Center(SO fabulous-haha), and got some last minute items for school. It seems as though I'm totally ready for going back, I just wanna get something extra special, like a nice new shirt or something.

I had to help with inventory last night which was hanus. From 7:30-11:10 approximatly. But, for a nice surprise, I got a phone message from Trenton wondering if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. Ended up--that I stayed until 5 in the morning. Geeze! The night was soo great, we talked about how we felt about each other. Giggled about other stuff. Basically just random stuff--but there were some amazing romantic times too. I have to be honest--I know that I like Trenton alot--he's very special already I can tell...but, is this a good thing or a bad thing. Remember--I'm gone Saturday. Yikes.

2003-08-19T09:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, for my Blog today--I'm gonna play the interview game. Petya gave me my questions. Here are the rules:

1) Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed
2)I will respond; I'll ask you five questions
3)You'll update your website with my five questions and your five answers
4)You'll include this explanation
5)You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Here are my questions from Petya:

1) What is your most favorite thing about the South?

This is difficult, because there are a few cool things about living in the South. I think the coolest thing about the South are those nice/fun IHOP waitressess with that nice twangy southern accent that ask: Ya want grits with that hun?! I love that!!

2.) If you had to listen to a single band for the rest of your life, what band would you choose?

WOW--Tough question!! Since you ask what BAND, that excludes DJ's and Solo Artists--so, I believe I would have to go with The Cranberries!! My second choice would have been the Dixie Chicks(bet all this shocked you Petya!!)

3)How would you describe your ideal partner in five words?
1. Fun 2. Passionate 3. Caring 4. Romantic 5. Artsy

4.) Who is your favorite poet and why?
On this I'd have to say W.H. Auden. I say this becuase his poems do two things for me, which for me, is usually why I read poetry anyway. One, whenever I happen to feel blue(which isn't usually), Auden seems to capsilate my feelings and give hope to feeling good again. Two--his romantic love poems fit my romantic feelings to a T.

5) Do you think looks are important? Why?
For me, looks are important--but honestly they are minimal. I think they are the bate for any sort of relationship to begin--but those upfront, physical looks are usually replaced but there expressions and habits you become accustomed too. Whats mostly important is how the other person can bring stuff to you. But to be short--yes, they are important, because there is always a visual, physical aspect to a relationship--but, the truth is--if you love someone as who they are, then they can really look like anything, and you'll believe they are gorgeous!!

2003-08-17T08:48:00.000-05:00

So some interesting developments in the last few days.

I am not sure if I talked about this before, but about a month and a half ago--I discovered I had a little thing for this guy that worked at Border's Books&Music. I thought he was very very cute and I just loved his style. He had piercings(not obscene Piercings) and tatoos(again, tasteful). Had a very cute way of dressing too. Somewhat alternative but with a nice really cute edge to it. A very cute face too. Well, sometime last week, I strolled into Border's to look around at any new publications and he happened to be working again. I saw him and said, "oh shit" too myself and got all freaky and trembly. Anyway, to make a long story short, I spent around an hour and a half walking around just checking him out and trying to flirt(pathetic, I know)--but before I was about to leave--some force from I don't know where urged me to go talk to him...so I did. Ended up that upon telling him I thought he was cute, but I didn't wanna bother him working--he quickly replied the same back but that he didn't wanna bother a customer. How sweet huh? His name is Trenton and we hung out a bit this weekend. Some alone, some with his friends--which was nice. He's very very very cool and sweet and laid back. Very funny as well and goofy which is great. He's into writing and music alot which is sexy and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. He has an arqitechture degree but wants to be a songwriter if he can get there. he's 24.

The biggest thing that sux is I only have a week left here in Atlanta and while I'm something like 2 and a half hours away--that's just far enough to lead to limited visits. Why do I always tend to find great guys too late--when they have to leave or when I do??????

2003-08-10T19:14:00.000-05:00

So, upon hearing the fantastic news that I was indeed welcomed back to Sewanee AND that I have a single 15 by 12 room in St. Lukes, I have been going ape-shit trying to get a nice decoration arranged. My room last year wasn't bad--but I wanted to upgrade, be a bit more serious about the decorations this year.

To start off with, I went to Target and worked hard sifting through some Todd Oldham stuff. I got a fabulous "Star" rug, a comfy chair, a bean cube(I'll explain later), a floor lamp, a desk lamp, well, hell, I got lots of shit. hahah.

I also went to a Flea Market today and got lots of artwork that felt good too me. All in all, the room will be great. I only need to get a bookshelf, coffeegrinder, another rug, and I think that is it. I'm just ready and wanting to get back there and do it.

2003-08-06T08:01:00.000-05:00

Well-well

So I am going back to Sewanee after all!!!Yay. Actually, I'm going early for Cross-Country Pre-Season. This is all very exciting--I let out a big yell yesterday. Gosh, its so strange--I pulled myself outta there last semester and couldn't stand it. But its like my perspective has changed--not me necessarily, only the fact that it doesn't matter much where I am but what I'm doing and who is surrounding me. So now I have to get prepared to go back by the 18th of August--pretty soon I know!!

Other than that, things are good and grand--just been doing the usual.

2003-07-29T10:48:00.000-05:00

Fun update--I went to Border's and got Dolly Parton's Ultimate Collection--and OMG--I love her!!!!!!!!!!

2003-07-29T08:19:00.000-05:00

So, some funny stuff in the past few days.

The first thing that comes into my mind is this way crazy dream I had the other night: It started off that I was in Sewanee(though, it didn't look anything like Sewanee--you know those types of dreams). Instead--everything was a long, flourescent lighted hallway. Throughout the beginning of the dream, my old time friend from Alabama--Jessica D'Amico was by my side saying some crazy stuff like, "This is where they killed the people." The next part of the dream I remember was that I was in some sort of courtyard trying to register for classes, and now, my manager/friend Yon from the Body Shop was by my side. Everytime I would think I picked a nice class--he'd say "Oh HEll nah!!" Finally I got a very random assorment of classes that he approved of--listen to these 3 classes(only 3 haha). The first was "Kids with Chicken Pox," the second was "Colors vs. Food," and the third class was "Interpretive Artists." Now, I might be wrong, but this isn't a typical college lineup. Dream interpretations are welcome (Crusaal9@aol.com).

--Other cool stuff--

--I saw a gay couple holding hands in Perimeter Mall yesterday--which is very cool seeing as I always viewed Perimeter as on that line. Its just nice to see that in places you don't expect it.

I should actually hear today finally on the whole Sewanee thing. Keeping my fingers crossed, and I'll update the second I know!!

2003-07-25T20:07:00.000-05:00

Gosh--what a useless day. I stayed around here at the house and did nothing but cleaned and stuff. Just uneventful. I love being home and stuff--and its nice being here in the city, but Its difficult because I do not have all that many friends here in the area. If I could have all my friends from school here now, that would be really great.

2003-07-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

So finally I've got work again today--very excited about that. Its been a while it feels.

I was talking to my friend online yesterday and she showed me an online site that is just bizarre...muffinfilms.com...you should check it out for yourself--I think it'll explain itself.

Went to Border's yesterday and picked up two new cds. The first one I bought is Paul Van Dyk's Global CD. I'm actually real reluctant that I got it...coz the cd isn't that good but the dvd that accompanied it was. I also got Catie Curtis' Truth from Lies cd, which is very very good. I love her stuff to death.Nothing else exciting.

2003-07-23T08:11:00.000-05:00

Finally,

I got my little Jetta back today. This car has been creating more problems lately than it needs to be. Having a car again finally, I'll be spinning around town doing things. I was in the house ALL yesterday. My only breath of fresh air was going to Border's Cafe last night (which is my favorite reading spot at the moment). There is a really really cute guy who works in there too. I'm trying to keep all that to myself though at the moment. I'm starting a new book today--Just a light-hearted fiction by Dean Koontz titled BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON> I'm hoping it'll be interesting. I'm hoping to make it to Outwrite today--since I haven't been there anytime recently, It'd be nice to see if they have anything special in there.

Other than that--It's rainy today--but it appears as if the sun is poking through.

2003-07-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Well,

--I'm now anxiously/nervously awaiting Dean Jones response to the letter I wrote him trying to get back into Sewanee. I'm so fearful that either one, I'm not gonna get back in and Two, that I won't be allowed back until Spring, neither being even close to the options that I want. UGH--Why do I always put myself in these dumb-ass positions. I do believe that things work out the way they are supposed too--HOWEVER, at this point--I"M totally feeling that I need to be going back to Sewanee.....OH God help me out.

2003-07-17T12:49:00.000-05:00

Nice day so far--I'm off of work. I ran at 7:00 this morning--real long, for 39 minutes. I know you're thinking I'm a freakshow--but I just love running--and the early, the cooler the ambiance of it. Plus, its too damn hot later on in the day--I can't stand it.

I'm a bit nervous about getting back into Sewanee--this whole process has been just a pain. The dean is supposed to e-mail me a set of questions I have too answer about getting back in.

Other than that--Been doing a bit of reading and spinning today--two of my favorite activities. Talked to my friend Stacey last night--things are getting interesting in Boston.

No other cool news, I quit the Parking-Lot Job today--I was totally over it!!!! Gonna try and find something for the rest of the summer. I saw JCrew/Clamdigger boi yesterday in the Mall in the first time in forever...I think he's totally cute--but no real interaction as of yet between the two of us...oh-well, whatever.

2003-07-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

Well, its about 10:30 in the morning. I've been up for approximatly an hour. Nothing much happening. I'm almost outta Honey & Orange body wash--alert the presses.

I made the most delicious cafe drink this morning. I started off by brewing a double-shot of espresso. Then I poured about a teaspoon and a half of vanilla flavored soymilk into my mug, with a dash of sugar, just a dash. Then I steamed the milk/sugar, and then poured the espresso in while stirring....Jesus it was so delicious.

As for the rest of the day, nothing much happening...Got some business to attend too. Mostly car stuff. Court by the way was totally successful yesterday morning...all of the citations were dismissed. I discovered that if you appear in court for traffic violiations and the cop who stopped you doesn't, then the charges are dropped...how fabulous!

I called Jared Pearson yesterday telling him I was indeed gonna come back and he said I have to request permission in letter form from Dean Jones, which I did...now I wait and see what he has to say...gosh--drama drama for me on that. On a good note, I was accepted to Appalachian State for Spring 2004, so if all else goes bad, which I hope it doesn't, then I can reside here in Atlanta and work until next semester...not ideal but not horrendous either.

I've been using a new moisturizer/toner combo on my face from the Body Shop...its their seaweed line...I really hope its good for me!

Well, I'm off----let me know if you are reading any of this. Crusaal9@aol.com is my e-mail right now.

2003-07-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

Well, dunno if my first attempt at blogging worked today...

But to quickly recap--good day, shopping shopping.

Went to Old Navy and got some cute things, and American Eagle.

Also got the new greatest hits cd by Bjork--I love it.

Gotta go to court tomorrow at 10:00 and I"m totally dreading it...damn, its gonna stink...and thats it.

2003-07-13T16:55:00.000-05:00

Nice day today.

I went shopping for some clothes, got some good stuff in Old Navy and in American Eagle. Actually, lots of good stuff. Also went and bought Bjork's greatest hits cd which is ridiculously good!!!

Gonna try and do the haircut thing today and go for a run.

Gotta go to court tomorrow. TOTALLY not looking foward to that experience one bit--YUCK!!!! I did finally get my new license and thats bigtime.

2003-07-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

So things are good. I've caught up with most of my friends, they all seem to be doing well.

Work has been going well, I love the crew of people I work with. Yon is a hoot, totally fun to work with. Jennifer is fun too, but we always end up getting into more detailed discussions that swing towards the more serious side of things. Non-the--less, I love being a Body Shop employee, its a job that I can pour myself into.
My other job, I think I'm quitting, I stand in a parking lot for like six hours a day making sure no-one crosses the street and my boss sucks...so screw that job, I'm over it!

On the college front, I think after all my bitching and moaning, I'm gonna go back to Sewanee. No, its not perfect, but where is. Plus, I've got a home there and I know the ropes and its a great education which matters most.

I went to see the "Voyage of Sinbad" last night with Kelly and Tori. It was a really cute flick and composed very nicely. The animation is awesome, DreamWorks did it which I love. I think my favorite part of it was all the gods that would come down and try to screw Sinbad up. Wait, what am I doing, discussing a cartoon, OK Chris.

2003-07-08T21:56:00.000-05:00

Well, Well,

It's been forever since my last blog.

Not too much has changed. I didn't gain acceptance to UGA. Now I'm considering going back to Sewanee or to Appalachian State University. All the other schools here in Georgia are totally full to the max.

I'm missing the heck outta my friends, mostly Stacey and Ethan. It's a little difficult--I don't know many people in Atlanta at all. The people I work with are wicked cool(except Rachel). I think I'm about to quit AmeriPark--It's for the birds.

Two recent things with the guys--Saw a boy named Dustin for like three weeks, but just broke that off. Also went out a few times with this Josh guy. I dunno, my crush over Ben is still looming...which is totally stupid, but the case. These kinda things suck.

Other than that, I'm making big cash, and been going out alot. PRIDE was fantastic too--I liked the BlU float with the shirtless guys!!!

2003-07-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

2003-05-29T17:11:00.000-05:00

OH yea, I wonder how Ben is doing..hmmm...I still think about him alot...and Lucas too...hmm...

2003-05-29T17:10:00.000-05:00

YAY!!!!!!

Well, to update--I landed two summer jobbies. One with AmeriPark(valeting service). This one is totally for the cash--I make 10 dollars per hour!!!

The second job, and this is the big one in my opinion...The Body Shop in Perimeter Mall. I totally love this store. The manager is wicked cool and all is well. First time working in the mall so I'm pretty stoked about that(love the mall!!!!).

Other news, Atlanta is traffic ridden as usual but that's expected. Met some decently cool folks in Midtown a few nights ago--I'm excited to say that I might have some friends here in the area now.

Missing all me Sewanee peoples...I know they are off doing something cool. Well, outta here...but things are Fabulous...and the summer is getting rolling.

2003-05-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Back in Atlanta...

Yardwork for Spacc was silly, it rained the entire time...yuck

I'm gonna be in Atlanta for a while now...and thank goodness...I need some time here...no more going back to Sewanee except for visits...and that's fine with me...more journaling later...after more cool stuff opens itself up for me.

2003-05-13T08:46:00.000-05:00

So its been awhile since I've journaled...I had the move from Sewanee.

It was stange leaving Sewanee, alot of growth has occurred for me there. Its almost like I"m making a step in my life...

I'm back in Atlanta for the summer...very exciting. There is so much gonna happen for me...many great things to spend my time doing. I'm also working on getting a job...that's today's priority...I'm not sure what I'll end up doing either...but it'll be nice work whatever it is I"m sure...hah, maybe I"ll try to work for Dunkin D's!!!!

Anyway, more later as my summer goes along....I already miss my friends a boat-load...I can't wait to visit some of them this summer.

2003-05-04T23:10:00.000-05:00

So....

I might be a big idiot...I sent Ben another e-mail...this one I sorta apologized for doing what I did...hopefully this one might get a response...just maybe. I can't stand ambiguity...thats mainly why I did it.

So only a few days left to go...I cannot believe it. Stacey and Ethan are already gone. Thats really strange...walking by her room without her actually being in there....hard to deal with I tell ya.

I suppose I'm gonna go to bed...I'm gonna have to spend tomorrow working on Psychology, my final exam of the year...wow...I'm gonna be a junior in college....pretty damn amazing.

2003-05-03T10:09:00.000-05:00

Well....so its getting down to the wire....definatly only a few days left up here at Sewanee. Its very exhilerating...yet kinda depressing too. I'm really going to miss the hell out of Stacey, Ethan, Ros, Richard, Jessica, Maria, Gillian, Hester, Eva, Trisha, Heather, Cynthia, and everyone else. I've made some tremendous friendships here...and its not that they are over at all...but--its weird from to go from spending almost everyday with these people...to go to talking online or something. It sucks sometimes how life flies along and things change before you know it. But change usually happens for the better. I feel good about where I'm going...I just wish I could take everyone along with.

So last night I went to a movie, "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." Stacey came in there with Ros and came up to me and told me Ben was gay, he told her..then she told me she gave him my number. I totally didn't believe her at first...but she made it believable...so I did my usual to get up and talk to her, but then HE walked in...so we sat back down quickly...and she said that she was joking. I could have totally killed her...totally. But oh well. Still no response from him...and I doubt there will be one.

WELL--I must say, its totally strange that everyone is wrapping up...I hate the part when everyone comes to an end...very weird...New beginnings is what it is all about. And my future looks bright in my eyes...shining.

2003-04-29T06:52:00.000-05:00

Last night was very interesting....

Well, I spent a long time talking to Ebba and Sarah about stuff...Big topic was Ben and what his 'Interests" might be. We also talked about majors and possible careers...fun fun.

The real strange stuff happened after I went to sleep. At around 4 in the morning, I awoke to experiencing ALL of Tuckaway shaking violently. It felt like an earthquake. It freaked my shit out!!! I hope it was an earthquake because otherwise some truly creepy stuff went on last night. My entire hall appeared in their boxers asking each other what the heck was going on...no one knew, It lasted for about 5 minutes or so.

Finally I went back to sleep...and had a vivid dream that I was riding in a car through Rio de Janiero with David Beckham...hahaha. In the dream, I talked to him about everything except soccer, coz I figured he'd be sick of it. We talked about how he loves Range Rovers...then I talked with him about how much surfing goes on in Rio....totally random...and totally fun dream.

2003-04-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

The weekend was fantastic. Sadly my last trip to connection, but in a way I think its good because I'm beginning to recognize everyone there...and that sux. I'm ready to get back into the Atlanta scene which is sprawling.

This past weekend I feel that my friendships with Stace and Ethan were propelled to a new level...lots of amazing deep discussions and of course lots of laughs...especially Friday night...we drank a little and did some goofy stuff like train dancing in stace's room. Just one example. Well, a new week, exam week. EEks, don't know if Im sure I wanna tackle this. Well, I'm off, better journal soon.

2003-04-24T20:15:00.000-05:00

Craziness, just craziness. I need some air!!!!!!!

2003-04-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

WELL DAMN--I FEEL GLORIOUS TODAY!!! haha. I'm telling you, it just seems as if everything is fabulous. Another great day of weather. That damn paper is behind me...[I'm praying it was a success]. Other than that...I just feel untouchable and that is a splendid feeling.

So, I've definatly made the decision to apply to Georgia and Georgia State. My reason while complex is pretty simple. Does that even make anysense? Well, here is the deal: My Pros and Cons:

Sewanee Pros: Good academically, good Friends, pretty campus. Close relationship with professor if I want it. Good food.
Sewanee Cons: I think its going downhill academically, they are letting in people with money, not smarts. Also, there system of grading is way too rigourous...I'd be an A or B student anywhere else, but not here...its been said this school grades tougher than Harvard. Also, it doens't really have a major I feel great about. I want to open a coffee house...that is my dream...I've also giving though to being a nutritionist -- my obsession with living healthy. What else, Its too small and suffocating...its 24/7 Sewanee...you can't take a break from the school to get your mind back in order or anything, its always here. Not very diverse populus. No gay culture of any sort[that hurts when you are 20 years old]. Its also too expensive and I don't like putting the burden on my parents or myself. Overall -- its a school that is right for people who want a small atmosphere that is isolated...I'm a person who wants decent academics and lots of various activities, cultures, and other things surrounding me. That is part of college, academics and the other is learning how to live in the real world...but to do that, you need some sort of real world around you...which Sewanee feels to seperated and protected from everything else. So, today I'm beginning work on the apps.

G. State has a good bus school and food science. UGA has all good things and the town of Athens is great. So I feel confident in these decisions--I have to chase the life that I want, and that is good and healthy for Chris...not anyone else...I don't feel totally healthy here, I feel extremely unbalanced...as most people here are. So..anyhow.

I've only got a week or so left...so exciting. I hope I can finally pull off some nice grades and boost that GPA to the highest level. I cannot wait for the summer months to be here, concerts and all other types of exciting things. I'll drop more later...I just wanted to say that I just feel fantastic today...it feels the bulk of work is behind me. Lets hope.

2003-04-19T12:31:00.000-05:00

So...it is Saturday...I have that paper to do but other than that gosh...a great day. Weather is fantastic. I feel great. Not much to report at all. School is getting close to winding down. As far as my plans after this...its home for the summer and then back here or UGA or.....possibly Georgia State...i've been looking over their website...and despite the fact it is right downtown...it looks good. But, I'm not really worrying about that stuff right now.

So...its easter..that's great. Gotta go.

2003-04-16T10:19:00.000-05:00

So...its now weds. A few big chunks of my stress have been alleviated. I spent all day--Seriously all day studying for my Psychology exam....and, without jinxing it...I feel that I did pretty dang good this morning. I missed one question I know for sure. Possibly two...other than that...I feel pretty confident about the rest.

Also-- had a Spanish test on Monday...big one...but.....I feel good about that too...I studied very hard for that one as well. The problem area was in the possessive adjectives I think...we'll see. I'm glad I'm through with these big tests...now its all about the papers...but I think I'd rather tackle papers than some stupid test.

So...everyday I've been running and everyday I've been running by this Dan O'Brien character. I can't help it...I seemed to run into him everywhere...and I can't help but be intriguied by him...He's got an amazing aura about him that I can't really point a finger on.

Well, the rest of my week looks pretty darn nice...good weather...lunch with Sid Brown today...dinner with Christian[Salmon and stuff].

I'm hoping to get a call from the catering people soon...I'm ready to start making some cash. Other than that...things are pretty good...And they'll be better once I get some of these grades back.

Also -- very strange...I've been reminiscing alot about Coastal. I think mostly about the boys, the beach, the easier academics[in light of a tough academic time here], stuff like that...I often wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed and tried to make good friends, come out, stuff like that...started getting into stuff that interested me...especially since the school is getting bigger and better I hear...oh well...its fun to think about these things from time to time.

2003-04-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

So...this weekend turned out to suck. I made a decision to stay on campus and see if I could enjoy the parties and stuff around here. I didn't really. Even my favorite people were at them...but still the parties didn't feel like parties...more like sitting around. The music was up and down...sometimes good...mostly not.I spent both Friday and Saturday night looking for fun--and found some spurts of it. Friday night did have some highlights...I went with Jessica and Gillian and Francie and the prospective to look at the stars and the view at Green's View. That makes me feel awesome inside. Also went to Pop's Happyland Truckstop and had some good laughs.

Nice weather again on this Sunday. Gonna be a nice day for a run. I also am gonna have to get a good amount of work--which doesn't really bother me too too much.

2003-04-12T13:53:00.000-05:00

A beautiful Saturday. So a few new developments in my life. I think I have a crush on a boy named Lucas here AND a professor named Dan O' Brien.

Just got some paychecks--exciting for sure. I possibly will be going to Nashville tonight with Jessica--that'll be freaking awesome...she's a blast. She's wanting to go shopping--I'm betting she's one of the only girls able to keep up with me shopping these days. Also might get to meet her friends. And, may go to The Connection with her. I'd have a blast with all this.

Other than that...probably gonna go for a run today. And that's about it.

2003-04-10T14:35:00.000-05:00

So this is nuts. It is April 10th, and it snowed this morning. I don't mean a flurry either...snow pellets. I was shocked.

Well, so an up and down week with emotions. The meeting with Dr. Lohr was fantastic. I was able to have a joint session with Stacey. We went through the thoughts regarding Sewanee. The gay thing, for us, was consuming us...mainly because of the environment at this school...when you feel like you are the only out ones around...then you feel like you're being watched all the time. I started to lose my true, complete identity, and focused way to much on the gay component of who I was...and I was becoming pretty unbalanced.

My other complaints--regarded how suffocating this campus can be. Considerations I should have thought of before I came. One thing is that to do anything fun and different from school, the shortest drive is 45 minutes to Chattanooga. Its a very small school...so you feel that you can never get away from people here. I need a little more variation in my life. I need to be able to get off campus and be able to forget about school spontaneously, ie...withing 10 or 15 minutes, or even walking distance. Or be at a campus that isn't only the school...its funny because I thought that is what I wanted when I came here...a campus that is everything. Now I'm missing how my life was at Coastal. I could go to school, enjoy things on campus...but I could also go to the beach or to some shops or something...to get my mind out of college. Anyways--I'm planning on staying here for another semester to see how it goes. Spend the summer in Atlanta...and hopefully it can help to re-order my life a bit. But I feel better already after all this stuff. The last complaint is how controlling the school is. They really won't allow you to move off campus and have your own place. Just one example.

But...like a said--at least the school has allowed me to grow alot as a person, and sort out some things about me.

This weekend I'm gonna go to Six Flags with the school trip. Other than that, who knows.

2003-04-06T23:13:00.001-05:00

Also got my Dunkin D's

2003-04-06T23:13:00.000-05:00

So...great weekend. Atlanta. Very refreshing. Had some great discussion with Stacey and my Family...all of which helped me to come back to earth so to speak...I have a tendency to leave sometimes. haha. Some great shopping...a little hurried...but that is expected...plus my mom had some other things to take care of. But...I got some cute stuff from Old Navy and American Eagle. And I'm happy about that....more happy that I got to spend some good time with my family. I'm very excited about going back home for the summer. I'm ready to work and ready to be with them and live in Atlanta again for 3 months...something to look foward too. Well, I have a huge week ahead. I'm behind in a few arenas, that I must catch up in and I cannot let any grades slip. Also have a meeting with Dr. Lohr Weds, looking foward to that big time.

2003-04-04T00:14:00.000-06:00

So, I just got back from spinning...a flush of emotions has crept over me...

Well, to capsulate...my set was decent in my opinion...it was good in the fact that once some fans of real dance music arrived, they motivated me...and pushed me forward...and I did much better. The majority of the night...nobody was doing anything. It was crazy, I felt alone...not just physically, but just alone...there is culture out there that is right for me...and it isn't here.

To re-emphasize this...one of the boys from Miami and one of the coolest girls in the world were some of the ones asking me to spin. They said that nobody here new about that stuff...that trancy stuff...and when I played like Van Dyk and Oakenfold...it reminded them of Miami...a place I would give a million dollars to be at right now. Miami...beaches, sun, beautiful boys, some of which are gay, fashion, fun, vibrant life, and vibrant music. I feel that I am stuck up on this mountain where nobody knows me, really knows me....I'm soo soo lonely right now. when will I finally get a chance at love...ugh...I should have not come here. definatly shouldn't have come here. The majority of what happens at this school does not flow with me as a person...it just doesn't.

What I'm saying, is that I believe finally the smallness of my school has started to really hit home...I feel there isn't anywhere to go,,,nothing I havn't done before...I feel limited right now...and like I said, alone. whose hand may I hold...noones...who can I dance with , Myself. who can I club with...where are the clubs...who can I shop with when I'm stressed...where are the shops. Ugh..I gotta sleep.(alone)

2003-04-03T13:51:00.000-06:00

So its a lovely Thursday...the sun is in full force. I feel pretty great. I'm anxious because I'm spinning tonight at Chi Psi. I've been spending last night and today turning over in my head the various types of sets that I would like to present. So I've been jittering and stuff. I also want to get a run in...I have to meet with a professor at 330. And, Francie's play is tonight...so alot to cram in...I havn't yet set up my equipment either. Gosh--I'm so excited/nervous. I'm worried about the turnout, the atmosphere, how well I'll be recieved. I think it'll be good though...I'm gonna start off with a witty first 30-45 mins or so...and as the place fills(or hopefully fills) I'll move into a trancy, Van Dyke like set...with sprinkles of Digweed in Sydney...yay.

2003-04-03T08:12:00.000-06:00

So last night I was completely restless...I don't know. I must have been all that was on my mind...but I felt very very anxious.

Today I have to study for a presentation in Spanish, then the day gets a rolling. Today should be fabulous, many good things on my plate.

2003-04-01T21:59:00.000-06:00

So today was such a wasted day. I did get in my studying for my psych quiz but not much else.. I hope I do very well on that tomorrow. I am agitated that I didn't accomplish all the other things that I had hoped to do. Starting tomorrow I think that I'll get back on track with everything...I had feeling like I waste a day...just hate it. I'm gonna watch my eating just a little, but not ridiculously. Anyway...

I'm totally missing the shit outta Casey...I shouldn't have let myself get into him. Perhaps this date Friday will help.,

I can't wait for this weekend to arrive. Thursday I am supposedly spinning...friday will be great and sat/sun with be Atl...I'm ready baby...ready...

I'm also ready for tomorrow to come...

2003-04-01T18:02:00.000-06:00

Once again I am having trouble taking my mind off of my body image. I'm worried I'm too muscely, i.e. too bulky. I like muscles but only in the definition sense...and not in the bulky sense. I look in the mirror sometimes, and just see them being too bulky. Also--I'm struggling with the food thing again...considered going back on the restrictive diet. Why do I keep doing this. And why am I so scared of gaining weight?

2003-03-30T12:36:00.000-06:00

So last night was alot of fun. Francie came with the group for her first time. I believe that she had an absolute blast. I too had a blast. And I wasn't worn out at all today. I ended up talking again with Joshua--the much older bartender. I did this because everytime I go, I just get fuzzy everytime I walk around to his part of the bar. He is beautiful. He looks foreign, Like Argentinian or something. Ice blue eyes. Pretty hair. Pretty smile, stellar body. But.....all this isn't that important. Everytime I interact with him, and I see him interacting with others...he seems like a class act. Like, he works there, but he's beyond and above all the typical bullshit. And they way he treats others, just pure class. So..I plan to pursue that in the weeks coming. Besides him, I still think of Casey constantly and only wish he were closer. I believe I'd have something amazing with him. Again, life goes on life's terms.

So its fairly chilly again outside...hah, it cannot decide if it is Spring or Winter still. I like the contrasts though. I just don't like the fog.

Today will be a fairly busy one. I have a paper due tomorrow. And, I'll probably hit up the fabulous wal-mart to pick up some essentials.

I'd also like to write Spacc and see how Espana is.

Well, more later.

Oh, Tag was pretty low at the club last night with stacey babe. She found herself a cute little chicky(I dunno if she would like me putting it in those terms...hahahahahahaha). The two looked very very very cute together. Ethan seems to be happy with Francie too. ROMANCE in the air...how exciting.

2003-03-29T19:45:00.000-06:00

well,........its been too long since I've journaled.

I suppose I have to bring it up to date.

California was fabulous. What an amazing state. The trip started out with a nice plane trip overs there. Then I was able to see Santa Monica and Los Angeles. I went running every morning in Santa Monica. It was like an upscale Rio de Janiero. I ran by salons and cafe`s and beautiful people and scenery. The beach was breathtaking. Cliffs flowing into the ocean. I was also able to see Venice Beach. That was a trip. West Hollywood. Oh--just perfect. Gosh--I almost feel that I could dedicate four pages to just Los Angeles. Just great.

I also saw San Fransisco--GOSH, I could live there. A gorgeous walking city with Victorian Architecture. The wharf is breathtaking. Beautiful people. Beautiful atmosphere.

Also saw Laramie(Matthew Shepard's Laramie). That was silencing/sad/serious.

The trip home was too long. I had a blast being with Ethan and Stacey though for the length of my journey.

Also saw Casey--and I'm gonna miss the fuck outta him. Its sad that I finally meet a boy I like alot, on lots of differing levels, and life takes him to LA.

So back here at Sewanee. Weather is getting much better. I sat out some...with the Hawaiin Tropic. Didn't do too much good. Hehe. The workload was super intense this week. But thankfully, I have gotten caught up. The weekend is here. Tonight I'm thinking will be the Connection.

On more serious sides. I feel like Califorina and this week, I've been doing much thinking...and maturing...in a small time. I can't go too much into detail about that. But I feel better and better. I've set up some counseling with Dr. Lohr, which will be a huge help for me to understand my thoughts. I also went and was tested. I feel good about that too.

Well, now that I feel up to date again...I'll be back on a normal schedule journaling.

2003-03-23T13:33:00.000-06:00

Just got back from California...lots to spill--however, Its Sunday before classes begin again so I'm going to work on getting alot accomplished today--so I'll journal nicely later on.

2003-03-10T20:51:00.000-06:00

So--the past few days have been pretty nice.

I spent the weekend at home with Ethan and Stacey. We got there Friday night--my mom had baked ziti ready to go...that was so good...so we ate that. Afterwards, we went to Outwrite for a bit, then to Joe's on Juniper. A pretty nice, low-key night overall. I got up the next day, went for a run with Ethan around the neighborhood...I had my shirt off(uh-huh), and got some nice sun because of it. When we were done, all three of us made sandwiches to take with us to Piedmont Park. I made a soy-ginger, peanut butter, spinach, and tomato on light wheat bread sandwich...gosh it was so good. We stayed at the wonderful Piedmont for a really really long time, about 3 hours...it was gorgeous and full of beautiful people and families and friends. People throwing frisbees, kites, picnics--gosh,,,just pure life. The city scape in the backdrop(Gosh I love Atlanta!!!). Well, then around 6, we drove back home for another fabulous dinner by mom. She made Soy-Ginger Salmon, steamed vegetables, rice pilaf, spinach, and chiabata roll's with olive oil and sundried tomato and garlic dipping sauce. For desert--we had coffee and applecrisp. Damn, does my momma know how to do it up or what??????? She's the best! When dinner was all done--we headed out for a clubbing night. We first went by Oscar's and Burkharts--realizing that they weren't our scene really--so then we went to BLU. I'm not sure how I liked the club...definatly more arrogant/competative than Connection. Not as friendly of an atmosphere as Connection. LOTS and LOTS of drugs--which was really disturbing. How guy count was pretty high--but all the guys seemed to know each other, and not in a good way. The guy spinning was a million times more experienced than DJ Ron at Connnection. Also, the lighting was way beyond Connection's lighting. Hmm...well, we stayed until 4...I had a few cute guys talk to me...but I was too frightened to pursue anything coz of the vibes I was recieving from the club...I wish we had left alot earlier--I hate staying up too too late. Anyhow, the next day--mom got up to make cinnamon roles...and we left. We stopped at Dunkin D's for iced coffee on the way out. When we got to Coolidge Park, we stopped and played around in the sun with a ball, and with some little kids...very fun. Finally made it back to the Mountain.

Other than the weekend--been thinking of Casey a bunch. I developed my pics today, and there were some in there of him and I--I totally melted when I saw him. HE's sooo cute.

Got a nice grade on my Pysch test today--yippee.

Go to California in 48 hours or less____soooo damn excited. Gonna be fun packing--I have trouble getting an outfit ready for class, now I have to deal with 10 days worth--plus, it'll be warm in LA but cold in San Fran--what a curveball!

2003-03-07T13:18:00.000-06:00

whhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeew....its finally friday! Its sunny--I have some good tests behind me and the future is looking up. At 2.30--the "crew" is heading to Atlanta. Gosh I'm so ready to see the parents and such. Lenox mall, Piedmont Park, Midtown, Mom's food, the High Musuem, and everything else I love about my home.

I'm really on a high today. This has been such a spectacular week. Starting Sunday, with Casey and friends, through the week--very very productive. Workout was daily(except I'm not going to today). Sun has been off and on--Gosh--I just feel fabulous. I'm gonna throw some clothes and music together for the trip. More later..

2003-03-04T17:15:00.000-06:00

Another interesting feeling inside me lately--I have been feeling an increasing need to re-enter into my faith. In what way, shape, or form...I'm not sure. I'm actually going to try and celebrate ash wednsday!! Hmmm...weird stuff.

2003-03-04T16:46:00.000-06:00

So, I just got off the phone with my mom. After making a dumb-ass charge on my card--(we are working to sort that out). She helped give me a needed conversation. I feel that in many ways my life is spinning a little outta control lately. I've missed prioritized some things. This is why my grades have suffered some. I'm not getting the proper rest. In short--I just need to take a deep breath, relax, and work on making sure I get the hard stuff outta the way before I socialize(nothing I didn't know.) But I'm glad I talked with her about this stuff. I wanna grow up in some of these areas--so now Im working through it to get there. I think I may possibly start setting up counseling services with Dr. Lohr to work through the jumbled (fun, but jumbled) mess that is my head. ha. Well, I'm here in the pyschology computer lab working on my recitation questions. As of today, I'm making a personal commitment to be smarter towards classes and towards financial things. With these two items under correct control--I should probably be relieved of so much stress.

Once I finish my work for the day--probably gonna give Lindsey and Casey a call. And I'll also give Spacc an e-mail..I miss contact with him. More later.

2003-03-04T12:58:00.000-06:00

Awesome weather again today.

two great contacts--heard from Spacc today and heard from my best friend from high-school. LINDSAY...

2003-03-03T20:28:00.000-06:00

So..I just got of the phone with mister cutie-pie. He's almost in Memphis on his way(boo-hoo). He didn't leave until about 4 this afternoon. Said his dad called him like 4 times or something.heh.

Gosh today was awesome--I actually got some sun--it feels so good to be sun-filled.

Well, right now I'm working on a ton of Spanish--will it ever end?

DInner with the friends was strange, we all were in a "blah" sorta mood--all of us were really really zoned. Hm....
I think that the break is going to help, really help re-vamp us up. I feel so outta it lately--perhaps I've just fallen into some redundancy.

Well, going to get back to some work.

2003-03-03T10:34:00.000-06:00

Amazing, the sun is finally out and shining with full force...I have never felt the need for the sun so much in my life as now.

Casey left for Cali today--I'm thinking of him.

I feel great this morning...really great...I'm throwing smiles everywhere. Very content.

2003-03-03T07:49:00.000-06:00

So...my entry from last night was not as descroptive as I had hoped. I'm going to tackle it again today at some point.

So, it looks as if the sun may perhaps pop out today. I need it so bad.

Today is my crappy Monday--classes from 8-5, with short breaks in there...UGH!

I'm gonna take a to-go cup of Chocolate Mint Joe with me to pysch this morning, definatly need it. Then probably gonna go get shit from Profesora Jordan for Friday.

2003-03-03T01:47:00.000-06:00

Yay--my internet is finally up and running again.

So a great weekend.

Friday, the big event was to go and see "Laramie Project." I went with Stacey and Ethan. Such an amazing production, it brought me to tears at some points...mainly, the scenes that focused on the fence and the ones dealing with "matt-choo" and the hospital updates.

Saturday, I met back up with the wonderful Casey--and him and I, Ethan and Stacey---all of us went to The Connection. It was Casey's last night there, he definatly had a good time until that last hour or so--by which time I got pretty tired as well. We all went to IHOP as usual after and that was fabulous and funny. Then drove through dense fog(which I'm soooooooo tired of) back here. Casey stayed the night with me, and we woke up close together. It was here that I realized how much I really do like him. We spent the rest of the day together and talked and kissed and hung out for the last time till L.A. I'm really going to miss him and it's hard to understand why I met him just before he planned to leave. But things DO happen for reasons outside of my control--so no regrets. More on that later.

Tonight, on the way home from Stacey babys--I felt very much in a THINKING mood, a self-examination mood. I've realized I wanna be more pro-active with my life. Go after things in a stronger way...and feel good about the rewards for doing so. So, as of tonight--I will work a bit harder to find what I want and go after it.

Well, its extremely late--and I have an 8--gotta scurry off to bed. More when it comes.

2003-02-28T15:44:00.000-06:00

Did I mention--how amazing the SEX was--haha, thought I'd throw that in there too.

2003-02-28T15:06:00.000-06:00

Wow--what a day yesterday...

After classes, I drove spend the day with Casey. My time with him was too much to even comprehend. really, I cannot even put my thoughts and emotions into words right now. I wonder what he is feeling as well. This has been the most bittersweet experience with a boy I've ever encountered. Feelings--when I'm with him--and when he looks at me, its an extremely warming experience...I feel very comfortable around him. Um...and when we're close, I feel--I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of how amazing life can be. Like, I dunno--its everything--he's a super person--and has a nice sense of things. Its hard, because the whole time I was with him yesterday and this morning, I kept thinking and telling myself to not get caught up with him...he's moving over to the Western United States. I almost ask myself--If it was smart even going forth with it, but I think it was--coz it feels great to be around him, and that can only be good for me.

Driving home this morning, I sorta plumeted. I couldn't believe I experienced the time I did and had to immediatly drive back to Sewanee--Foggy Fucking Sewanee. Shit....anyway--I don't regret meeting him...its a good thing, and he'll love LA for sure. Hell I'd be outta this place if I could be.

Other than that, the weekend looks good. Tonight--after Stacey babe and do that whole workout thangy, a group of my close friends are gonna go see the theater production for the night--promises to be interesting..then, I'll be spinning for Dave and Dave's party tonight...gonna be fabulous surely.

Tomorrow, gonna chill with the friends, then hit Connection...right now the plan is to go with Casey--so, cool!!!

More later.

2003-02-26T22:48:00.000-06:00

So today was one of those uneventful days really.

Classes went alright--especially women's studies. This weeks topic is sexuality--so obviously I had plenty to add to class discussion today.

I did have to get up at 5 this morning to finish a lab report, that was fun, let me tell you.

So I'm looking around my room and I have a PILE of laundry, I would love to take it on and do it--but just havn't had enough quarters lately--hehe.

I talked with Casey tonight--he told me all about his fabulous day. He did have to go to court and deal with some shit he says, so I feel his pain on that. Other then that, apparently he's been hanging out with his bro's and father and best friends from college--sounds like he had a pretty fun day. I'm gonna go see him tomorrow at his place, I pretty happy about that--should be fun hanging out and stuff. Yea.

Mitch is still acting like a strange-O. Leaving random messages and stuff on his away screen--I don't get him...nothing is ever settled with him apparantly.

I also chatted with the family tonight. Kelly is doing good, she had her signing party today...geeze, makes me think how I miss high-school sometimes. Mom and Dad are the usual, just being chill-birds.

Well, I'm exausted, more after tomorrow's event's with Casey.

2003-02-26T15:28:00.000-06:00

woops, also have to declare my major soon, got that packet today--YIKES>

2003-02-26T15:27:00.000-06:00

It's been a few days since my last entry...this is because I've been super busy with quizzes and tests and papers and oooooooh, a boy.

So--Casey, he came up here for the date. He looked great...I felt very relaxed in him and comfortable around him. I decided to get us to go to Pearls. It is the nicest restaurant that we have up here, so that was great. We both had Salmon, salads, and White Wines...all were soooooo tasty. After that we came back here--hung out, "and stuff". He's very good "at stuff" which is awesome...he knows my buttons. My favorite part after dinner was that I could tell he was studying my eyes. I studied his, it turns out that they are blue(I thought they were green at Connection probably because of the lighting). But yes, he has a pair of beautiful eyes, they are very warm and welcoming. I also love his hair...simple but very nice. He is a smidge taller which I like. He has a pretty nice body as well, he has some strength throughout his body--and not too much in the way of mass(a good thing). Starting with dinner and on into the night we tried to get to know each other. He has a bit of a history, which elevates him in my eyes, it shows me that he is strong as a person to get through some hard stuff. I like people that have a little life experience. Also, he's 24 and a store manager--nice.
Anyways, after we hung around here for a bit after dinner...I took him to meet some of my closer friends. My closer friends being Stacey, Ethan, Garrett, and Molly. He seemed to have fun with them and they liked him alot...then we came back here...and the rest of the night was absolutely amazing...just wonderful. Really Really tremendous...hehe. But I havn't yet been with someone who was so good in that way--he seemed generally concerned for me and what I needed, which is huge, totally huge. And kept looking at my eyes and going slow. Great. Anyway--sadly, he is planning to move to Los Angeles, so I'm scared to let myself get too close or become to vulnerable...I don' t wanna get hurt...and he's the type that I would get hurt with if I couldn't see him enough. So, since I"ve never been placed in this type of situation before, I'm going to take it by ear and just enjoy him being here until he has to go. We've decided to hang out tomorrow and possibly on the weekend--go dance together or something...should be great.

Other than that, not much--got some new coffee "Green Mountain" coffee...oh, it rocks my world. haha. Also, my family had to cancel our beach trip this weekend--boo-hoo--but works out for seeing Casey. Well, more work and stuff I wanna finish up before too late. Laramie Project opens in the theater tomorrow I hope they do well with it...I'm sure it'll be a success. My friend Gillian says it'll be awesome, that everyone seems prepared and ready. Can't wait for spring break and California...I'm so ready for some sun and a city and the beach and so on and so on. More later.

2003-02-23T19:18:00.000-06:00

What a tremendous weekend--just perfect.

Friday night started it off. I went to dinner, dinner being Thai Smile 3, with a nice large group of people. Stacey, Ethan, Russell, Chris Honeycutt, his girlfriend, hayley, Russell's girlfriend, and another girl whose name I don't know. They were like an hour late, but no big deal...we had fun up until they arrived. The dinner was great. A ton of good laughing and lots and lots of great food. After dinner, the group split a bit, Stacey, Ethan, and I went to an exquisite coffee house. It was packed with a ton of apparant high school aged kids supporting the guitar singer. He was amazing on vocals and guitar*and kinda cute too. The coffee was fabulous, I just a house dark roast and it hit the spot. Then we came home and hung out for a little while, then went to bed.

Then came Saturday, Saturday. I spent the day enjoying my friends and hanging out. Then Stacey proposed that we go to Connection, even though the plan wasn't that earlier--and I'm so glad we went. We didn't leave the Mountain until about 1030 because Stace and Ethan were at the hypnotist. I was the 'DD' for the night--Stace and Ethan were drinking, but weren't trashed or anything. We got to the club and it was great. The music was a tad bit better this weekend, the bois weren't as great--except for this boy named Casey that I met. Very very cute. It worked out nice because his friend grabbed me off of the platform to go talk to another boi in his group--and I spotted Casey. Now, I had been working on Casey another night about a month ago but Mitch made us leave so I didn't get to talk to him at all--I just got to tell him he was cute. Well--so to finish the story, eventually the boi in the group that had wanted me to come talk to him(who was cute), left and I decided to just chat a little with Casey. Well, right away him and I clicked, and were laughing and everything. I finally asked him to dance--so we did. Casey can dance(HUGE POINTS). We danced for about 15 or so minutes until he whispered in my ear that I was cute--my heart fluttered. I told him the same as I looked into his green eyes. So we started dancing closer and closer until we were right on top of each other. I was nervous because this is where most bois mess up and loose some of my interest, because they cannot rythmically dance close at all--but he could--it was as if he was right on my wavelength. We danced and danced--but the clincher was when we naturally did some kissing on the floor, nice and slow and sensual...it was fabulous. I don't usually get right into it like this with guys but it just happened and was perfect. Finally it was time to leave the club, so he gave me his number and we went to IHOP.

IHOP was so much damn fun. Our group was basically on a high and loving every minute of it. We were laughing away and talking about the night and just living the moment as it felt. Then we came back and arrived at like 5 in the morning.

Big news from today, I gave Casey a call--he still seems totally great and normal and interesting. We've planned to meet up for a food date tomorrow evening and to just hang out...so I'm very excited. More later.

2003-02-20T00:05:00.000-06:00

So today was tremendous.

The sun was in full force in the first time in I can't remember.

Women's Studies was cancelled so...Stacey proposed that the two of us go to Chattanooga and enjoy the day, kick a soccer ball around, and do our school work in the park...well--that's just what we did. IT was perfect. WE first stopped in MudPie coffee bar--then went and kicked the ball, then found Charles or 'Mamma" one of Stacey's good friends that I think is just a hoot. After that we went back to Mudpie to do our work. There was a beautiful guy working in there that I have no clue as to his name or orientation--but he was gorgeous--unfortunatly, no exchange except for a couple of glances. Then we hooked back up with Mamma and went to eat at Friday's/ We had lots of fun talking and laughing--and--I picked up a certain waiter named Micheal. I'm not sure how cute I think he is--I think he's pretty cute, but in my innocence fetish way. He also seemed to be a really nice guy, who was working and had his own place, which is admirable...so all in all--a fabulous day. It was great spending some two on two time with Stacey Babe--I see this sorta thing being a habit--since it alliviates the isolation of Sewanee daily life.

Anyhow--I got a big quiz in the morning in which I must get some rest for...till the next one...ta ta.

2003-02-18T23:32:00.000-06:00

Woke up today feeling much better than yesterday...I believe my cold is slowly going away...I'm trying to eat alot of citrus fruits for the Vitamin C and I've been drinking some sickness teas that seem to be helping.

So today was fabulous. The weather remains cold and foggy and the only part of that I can't stand anymore is this damn fog. The cold is fine, no problem with the cold.

Anyway--I got alot accomplished today which pleases me...lots of good work done...and I got back to working out--which boosts everything up a notch--energy, metabolism, etc.

Good news--got the Season Two Queer As Folk tapes today--the first few episodes are extremely intense--they seem to be tackling today's toughest issues towards Gays and Lesbians.

What else--so my friend Ethan and I have a new ongoing joke in which we say "Boots" with an intense British accent...we find it hilarious. We also add to the joke that "Boots" is like "Boobs" but with a 'T'....hahahahahaha....tons of laughs.

So I feel bad for not talking with Brad lately--I'm feeling like I should IM him or something...maybe tomorrow I will. I don't like how we've broken it off.

Well--gonna go to bed--eight O'Clock class in the morning for which I'm going to have to get up for---YUCK.

2003-02-17T23:16:00.000-06:00

Not much to report today.

It was pretty nasty weather today--foggy and cold.

I spent most of the day in bed trying to recover from being sick..but I felt better after some nice rest...hopefully in the morning I'll feel much better. A nights rest will do me very well.

Hopefully I'll have much more to report tomorrow...night

2003-02-16T23:23:00.000-06:00

So, Great weekend.

Ethan and I went to my house in Atlanta. It was exactly what I needed to do this weekend...go hit the city and see the family. They are all doing well. Mom cooked two amazing meals, Salmon one night and Spinach lasanga the following day. But--seeing them just made me realize how much I miss them so.
--
So--I'm pretty sick at the moment...not sure what I have, basically just a sniffle--So I'm off to bed.

2003-02-15T01:47:00.000-06:00

So today was nasty nasty weather...strong rain the entire day...which wouldn't bother me except for the fact that I must walk through the rain in order to reach class. I love the rain when your inside though.

So, today's big event: Spinning at DKE. I feel that in many ways it was my best set yet...well, either this one or the last one at Lamda, both were magnificant. It was a decent turnout for a rainy Valentine's Day. All my good close friends were there--stacey, ethan, mitch, emily, cari, francie, and a few others....but--there was dancing and that's all I care about.

So I have news about Brad. I've decided to cut it off with him. The more I get to know him, the more he seems to be spoiled and whiney and a tad self-ish...also, he doesn't accept criticism at all. I need a boy that is strong enough in his own right that won't crumble when I point out to him that he's being unreasonable...

So off to Atlanta in the morning with Ethan. It'll be nice to go home. The only draw back is my Pysch homework...but until that time..au voir.

2003-02-12T23:20:00.000-06:00

Well--its about 11:00...I'm in my room listening to Catie Curtis.

Today has been the most paculiar. I'm usually very happy to see the sun and I take note in life's little amazments...today was different.

Today was a mood of depression for me. The only hi-light was after Stacey and I completed our paper by 5 for women's studies. We dashed to McClurg for a celebratory bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and some Peppridge Farm cookies. Both were delightful.

But I don't know why I feel so down today. It's not usual at all for me. I feel distant from alot of people--if that makes any sense. Desperate for something, that I can't grasp. So strange...so strange. I have no explanation except that its a natural human occurance to occasionally be down for no reason...no biggie....

Well, More later.

2003-02-12T13:18:00.000-06:00

I have not too much good news to portray for this entry.

The last couple of days have been gorgeous despite the gloom in the air.

I have been experiencing some derogatory jokes towards me lately in McClurg--from various people. They make fun of my clothing and my individuality, and my sexuality...I've felt like crying...it's hard, I put so much trust in people--and they feel the need to shit on me because I'm comfy in my own shoes. I can't say much more except that it hurts.

So last night--I stayed up till One O'Clock with Mitch and Stacey. I think the conversation was constructive and progressive. Mitch is beginning to examine himself--which is the goal in mind. It makes me happy to know he is doing some soul-searching now. Yay Mitch.

So I had another blow in classes, my first Psych grade was a D. However, Peyser said this isn't uncommon and that the best things is to turn a bad grade into a positive learning experience.

I think I need to work much harder at managing my time and energies...I have been in a lull with classwork and haven't been getting proper sleep. I also think a break in Atlanta with the family is so necessary right now.

I don't know what is happening, but as I'm typing this, I'm crying, I don't know where it is coming from...but it is happening. I think life is hitting me hard right now, for no particular reason--But I'm starting to feel alone...not that Stacey and Ethan aren't my crutches, but I mean, there isn't anyone here who I find...umm....a complete understanding with...such as Spacc, or Brad...or so on...weird. Reality is haunting.

Well, I've got a paper due at 5, so I'd better get my bum into action.

2003-02-11T11:21:00.000-06:00

So finally I have found time to sit down and type.

This past weekend was tremendous!!!! I spent Saturday in Nashville with Bradley, until he had to go to work at the Student Center around 2. At about 4ish, I threw on the running shoes and had a splendid jog around the city of Nashville, on a bright and sunny day. I ran pretty far down 21st Avenue, which is stocked with fantastic shops and people. I then turned around and made my way towards West End Street, which also has some fabulous things to look at. I also made a turn at the impressive Parthenon, and ran around observing its stunning architecure and the pond nearby...found a great shot of the Nashville skylines too. Then my friends arrived in town around 5:45.

The plan was to go and see a Catie Curtis concert and we did. I must say, she is just pure talent. She has this incredible abiltiy to steal the attention of the entire BAR--and evict emotions through her lyrics and voice...just beautiful. I was honored to meet her after the show and tell her she was fabulous--however, Stacey did much better than I and asked her if she would come perform at Sewanee, to which she stated that she would love too!!...So Catie rocked all in all.

Then the group went to Cafe Coco. Blue haired girl was there. Side note: about four gay bois walked in, and Mitch liked one of em(or so he says)--and it was clear that the one he dug liked him back. I suggested that he flirt or say hi or something--to which Mitch replied, "Not now, I have a headache." I couldn't help but think how pathetic!! So off to Connections.

Before we went, (another weird Mitchism)--he took off a nice looking sweater that he was wearing, and put on a wrinkled, ratty looking hunting shirt or something. I was just baphled, was he not aware that we were going to a very competitive gay danceclub??? Wierd.

We get to Connections, and I had a blast. The drag show was decent, but whatever. The dancing that night was great--I hit the platforms with full force. Also, I met CJ--this black guy that I just admire the hell out of for his dancing. I was honestly honored to have met him and then DANCE with him...It made my night. Also, a beautiful Bartender hit on me...he looks like a Versace model. Hmm...other obsevations...Mitch looked liked he was having about as much fun as a histerectomy (or however that is spelled). I don't understand him, he is pumped up to go to Nashville, but then acts spoiled and doesn't have anyfun at all--why is this?

Stacey had the conversation with him--told him all the things we've observed and experienced and analyzed in regards to him...when she told him our conclusions, he felt that we were doing it to create drama or be malicious or something--he clearly doesn't see that we want to help him--because its evident that he isn't comfortable in his own shoes...

So enough about the drama in my circles. I recieved a terrible Spanish grade today...66...yuck. It was because profesora Jordan put on this extra section on some stories which we read--but it just confused me so badly. So I'm going to have to work extra hard in that class now. I'm going to have to pick up my work a little on the whole...I have been struggling to accomplish anything...and I'm getting a little frustrated by lack of proper sleep. I'm sure things will get better quickly, but I wanted to identify this before it hits me in the face.

More later.

2003-02-09T23:39:00.000-06:00

Ok--Tremendous Weekend...and a million and one details to spill.

However, because the weekend was so amazing--I have no more energy to type anything tonight. So tomorrow's entry will be very large.

2003-02-08T15:34:00.000-06:00

Its Saturday...mid-day.

The PKE cocktail last night was not fun in the slightest. It consisted of Fiji's and the soroity girls just standing around drinking. Conversation wasn't even inspiring. Also--whoever picked the tunes, needs an education. Some of the nights selections consisted of Rage Against the Machine, Led Zepplin, um....who else, AC/DC. It was kinda fun hanging out with Molly--however, I don't think we clicked or anything. So--at the grand hour of 10 O'Clock...I decided to drive to Nashville to see Brad boi. And...this is where I am writing from.

I essentially got in his front door and went straight to sleep...being up til 3 the previous morning, then rising at 7 to get ready for Spanish didn't help.

In a few minutes, I will most likely go for a really nice long long run...Its a gorgeous day out--little cool, but sunny...and Nashville is such a pleasing town.

Tonight is gonna be fabulous, I can already tell. My friends(and not just the crew), will be rolling in about six for the Catie Curtis show....she is definatly one of my favs. Then----oooooooooh I'm almost to excited to say,,,,,its Connections time...Dancing. I missed it last weekend and felt neglected...so I can't wait...should be the best. I'm sure there will be good laughter and probably some continuing drama as always...Stace with her lady stalker(Heather), Mitch with his complex, ( and unability to talk or dance with boys). Oh, there could be something with Rachel as well. Stace tells me she hasn't spoken with her for a while...so we'll see....I of course will be doing something...I don' t know what exactly...but Itll be righteous anyhow...I will tell more later tonight when I get back here.

2003-02-07T11:22:00.000-06:00

Well--I missed my entry from last night--so I will combine yesterday's with today's.

The snow is everywhere--and very pretty...it has snowed so much here this semester that it is unbelievable.

I could use a Dunkin Doughnuts up here on the Mountain!!!

So, my friends Stacey, Mitch, and I went to see Melissa Ferrick play last night in Nashville. She is currently #1 lesbian artist or something...so Stacey tells me. Melissa was fabulous...she has so much talent and energy poured into her sets. She loves her fans, I stood in line with Stace to get pictures and meet her. She does alot for me I must admit--seemed like an amazing person. The only weird thing from last night was that the whole place was lesbians...for the first time I felt out of my element...its funny how different the gay male scene is from the lesbian woman's scene. heh.

So I had a huge Spanish test today...I studied hard, but still had trouble with it. Very confusing usage of subjunctive, imperative, indicative, and imperfect. Yikes--HOPING for the best.

Little secret--I've been invited to go to Madrid to visit Spacc on Spring Break...hmmmm.

Haven't talked to Brad very much in the past hours...I hurt his feelings with certain things...I don't know how I should respond(it refers to my journal here). I don't think I should say anything more about him from now on in here...

Today was the first official 'Boa Day' I'm queen of the world--so much fun. and so warm.

Tonight is the formal with Molly--I have to figure out what the heck to wear...I'll sort it out.

I miss the hell out of my family and Atlanta. I need to go home very very soon and get a dose of their company and love and reality. They are the most important thing in my life.

More later.

2003-02-05T22:17:00.000-06:00

Woke up this morning feeling exquisite. I had a cup of French Dark Roast coffee, listened to 'Sounds You Can Feel' mixed by Doc Martin. Clever name I would say. But to re-iterate, today was just fabulous all around--sun was out, and I felt untouchable. I'll go on--there is a ton on my mind tonight.

First off--I have to say that Billy and the Crew, Tuckaway's janitors, are the happiest people on the planet.

Secondly, electronic dance music has got to be the best music in the universe. I just feel ready to do whatever after hearing a great beat with Diva vocals laid on top...helps me to shake my booty>>>one of my favorite pastimes.

Geeze--I could use a back massage like no other...sitting in the most uncomfortable chairs all day I'm sure isn't helping my cause.

So--today in Women's Studies the class watched a documentary on single mothers. This included mothers who wanted kids badly enough to artificially enseminate(or however you spell that.) Also included the adoption option. This provoked many thoughts in my head, that Stacey and I soon discussed when class was finished. Initially--I instantly looked 10 or so years down the road in my life, and realized how badly I would like to have kids too--with my partner. This opened up a few problems of its own. First, I can only be legally married in two states--Hawaii and Vermont. This is so depressing and has made me realize that the Human Rights Movement is still alive and fighting. Secondly, If I was able to get legally married, then comes the problem of adoption. Most adoption agencies try their hardest to deny to Gay Men a baby--when in reality, two Gay men could probably nuture the child better than most. Stacey proposed that I find a mother who would have my child (much like in the Birdcage)...but I would never be able to do this. Too many implications attached to the woman--who would inevitably not be able to part with the child, and the wierdness of my partner not participating in the process. It's sad to think that I could potentially not be able to pass on my genes to the next generation. Sad, Sad.

Coming back to the mothers. I wondered if it was Nature's choice for them to be single and not have real children of their own. I have personal difficulties accepting a forced change in what Nature has clearly set in front of someone. Adoption I support 110%!!!!!

Moving away from that--I had some talks with Brad today. They weren't good. I'm worried that he drinks too much. He seems to be dependent of Alchohol, despite what he tells me. Also, he seems to have some depression issues--he cries alot--which makes me hurt for him inside. He's a wonderful person, and he deserves better spiritually. Also, there is a Charles in Atlanta--which apparently treats him like he's Chicken, but I can tell Brad has feelings for him...so currently I am trying to help him out as best as I possibly can. I talked to him on the phone tonight--and he sounded desperate--I can see some trouble in the future being here when he is there(Nashville)> we'll see.

So--I miss the shit out of Spacc. I e-mail him constantly...he never fails to be there for me. He is perfect in every way I believe. One of the most amazing people I've ever encountered. I need a run, a gossip, and a nice Salmon dinner at the Shack...involving lots of laughter and talk about the Sewanee boys--usually Grant Burrier.

Speaking of running--I went for a nice 41 minute run in Fowler tonight. There was some IM basketball being played. Lots of yummy boys with their shirts off...Spacc would have been going nuts.

So--the weekend is almost here...I am in desperate need of Connections...cool lights, hot boys, dancing, dancing, dancing...to much to think about.

Until next time...au voir.

2003-02-04T21:56:00.000-06:00

Such a mellow day today. The sun was out and shining brightly despite the cooler weather. Tomorrow it seems that it will be even colder, until eventually snow arrives on Friday. Speaking of Frieday...Ihav ebeen invited to a Sority Formal. (Icertainly mangled the spelling of that word. Anyway, I have decided to accept the invite. I'm thinking this will my Brad a little unhappy>>>However--I think I'll still have a fabulous time at the formal. Possibly Brad can join me at the Formal.

I'm starting to miss home again> I miss the luaghter of my mother and father and sisters. I also miss the big city lights.

Spanish clas has been giving me a bit of a headache lately. My profesora Jordan is somewaht annoying and anal. But wahat can you do?

Another great note from the day--the cookies in McClurg were exquisite...totally hit the spot.

Well since I don't have much to report--I will send much more love in the morning.

2003-02-04T00:00:00.000-06:00

Things with Brad are moving along nicely. I miss him right now...he's always in the back of my mind. He is such a special guy--unique from any I've met...and he has kept my attention for more than a week--strong sign--but I don't wanna jinx this--so no more about that. Side note--he has the nicest:hands, hair and back that I have ever seen--beautiful eyes too...yum.

Meanwhile...life at Sewanee is still bittersweet. Stacey is frasing it perfectly, there is no scene because all the other gay people around are too scared to out themselves...closets are for brooms people. I feel worse for her, she seems to be having a harder time dealing with it...which is understandable.

Gosh--I'm a horny bastard right now...

Today was the worst with classes, I thought they would never end...I was ancy in my seat the entire time. Ugh--Mondays are the only days that drag on me a bit.

well--I'm super exausted, its 1156--I've been working my bum off all day--didn't even get time to chat with the crew...how sad. Well, tomorrow will be fabulous...

OOOOh, speaking of which--one feather boa appeared in my SPO today--I jumped for joy--now I just have to determine what constitutes a day worthy of a boa day...it must be a day that is exceptional...not just good.

Well more in the morning...mua.

2003-02-02T13:29:00.000-06:00

ok--i'm gonna try this again--apparently i have been fucking up my postings--thats why there havn't been any recently...so the condensed version...

Fabulous weekend...dinner at Pearls with Brad--the cutest boy on the earth--I like him soooooo much, probably toooooooo much. But things are good with him...hoping the parents and sibs are doing well--its beautiful outside, so i'm gonna go play...yay more later.

2003-01-30T23:58:00.000-06:00

Well....

....Where am I and what the hell am I doing? My first entry>>11:30 at night. Personal feelings> A certain boy named Brad is on my mind. He is going to be taking me to dinner tomorrow night...hopefully that'll be fab.

So here I am--a Gay bottom boi at the University of Conservative(South). It's a bit tough, I must admit. When every guy walks by in a tie that looks like its from the fifties, you wanna be sick. I'm sounding intensly shallow right now, and I'm really not...it is just where my head is at the current time.

I believe the proper way to go about making entries is to do them by stream of thought--nothing formal...sense this should be a published extension of me and my mental state.

Well--my best friends and I are butting heads with a very peculiar Mitch. He has serious issues that I cannot even begin to analyze. I just want him to be happy, and he doesn't give me happy vibes. More on that in the future.

I'm currently missing my good friend Spacc. I miss everything about him. I would go as far to say that I love him--in a none romantic way...he is family. I miss his cooking, his laughter, his wit, his experience, his love of life and of boys...

I don't know much else to put in here at the moment--except, I think tomorrow I'm gonna where a fabulous sleeveless tee...should be fun. And put my hair into a little British spike job...yum.

So, life's best virtues--honesty, truth, love, laughter...the ability to shed tears over even minor issues. yea...I'm sure there are more.

So let's get rolling--I feel that I'm typing to random--

Tonight was daquirii night in stace's room...and the laughter was boistrous. There was an explosion of strawberry love all over the room basically...I was trying to aid my dear friend in the ways of a blender--and things just bottomed out we'll say..heheh...eventually we stopped laughing, cleaned up and made round two...which gave me numerous brain freezes--however, the strawberry taste was very kind to me...super yum...many times over.

To add to the good times--stace and I almost spent an hour looking a Melanie--you know, the REAL lesbo from QAF...stace thinks she is fantastically hot--I think her style is kewl beans. That was great.

Tomorrow, my mission is clear--it's a 'seek a lesbian out' thing. there is this girl in my psych class that says DUDE and strange words like that--so I'm supposed to find out about her.

McClurg was fantastic tonight...I ate with Jessica...She had a killer shirt on...green, with a patch full of red ruby's and chains...she has bitching style...she is struggling between two boys...Brett and Garrek...Brett is cute, Garrekk, not so cute...but she likes him...I'm pushing her towards Brett...he seems to be the better person in heart too.

Ryan Yamada wants me to dye his hair red...I'll do it.

I have a revelation...life at Sewanee exists in McClurg...it seems to be the centerpiece of the university...and sooo much is opened there. I love to listen to everyones issues--there are sooooo many issues.

Well---now that I have passed on my stupendous Pearls of Wisdom...I will depart...hopefully I will have more important things to talk about in the next typing...but I'm content...I send love.